No Friends Please, We're British

So I've been away for a bit. I picked up last week's Sunday Times today to see what's been going on in the real world, and was delighted to see that our country is yet again trying to piss off the international community by developing a new nuclear weapon. Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty? No, that's just for dangerous terrorists like Iran! We're far more responsible, so we're going to test our new toy in a lab instead of a popular tourist hot spot. This is the part I like:

“We’ve got to build something that we can never test and be absolutely confident that, when we use it, it will work.”

Hang on, did you just say when we use it? What happened to if? There's optimism for you. Guess I'll just go and buy me a radiation suit for when the mushroom cloud comes floating my way.

If that's not bad enough, we've withdrawn all UK personnel from a Palestinian jail, sparking off a new wave of fighting in Jericho. Naturally the blame has fallen squarely at the door of the British. I think I know what's going on here. The UK Government have been taken quite aback by all the hate being directed at the Danish following the publication of the Mohammed cartoons, and they're getting jealous over all the attention.

Actual transcript of a phone conversation between Tony Blair and the Danish PM, Anders Fogh:

TB: Oi Anders, what's all the jazz with these cartoons you bastard?
AF: Tony, it's three o'clock in the morning.
TB: The world is supposed to hate us! US! I'm really going to rattle some cages now!
AF: Goodnight Tony.
TB: You'll never be more hated that me! Nevaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!
AF: *click*

Well, you're going the right way about it Tone. Now, let's do something really useful and think about how we can we piss off the French...