Manners, Timothy
We, the British, are in general a very polite race. Last week I was running to catch a train and collided with a woman wearing a rucksack, bundling her towards the tracks and an almost certain death featuring lots of electricity (and shit, I expect). As she steadied herself on the station edge, she turned round and cheerfully said “Sorry!” then went about her business as if nothing had happened. There aren’t many places where I could have got away with this. In America, they would have probably ‘sued my ass’. In Iran they would have cut off my arms and legs. In Reading, they actually apologised for the inconvenience of almost ending their life.
This phenomenon isn’t restricted to the well-to-do parts of the UK – you could be living in Bastard Street, Basterton, Basts. and you’ll still find an orderly queue at the bus shelter. The bus shelter will of course be smashed up like Leslie Ash on a Friday night, but no matter how immoral or badly-behaved the British can be, we’re always courteous at the same time. I was mugged recently and the offender told me to ‘take care’ as he ran off with my money. I’ve seen a car on bricks with a note tucked under the wipers recommending a breakdown firm. It’s this kind of thoughtfulness that really takes the edge off a traumatic ordeal.
Go elsewhere in Europe and this kind of consideration quickly evaporates. In Spain, I waited patiently in a queue at a bus stop, only to be elbowed in the ribs by the old lady behind me when it finally arrived. In France, the owner of the hotel I stayed in was so indifferent that I could have been on fire and he wouldn't have raised an eyebrow.
"The shower doesn't work."
He shrugs.
"There's a leopard in the communal toilet."
He farts.
"I've left a dead hooker under the bed."
He shrugs and farts.
This lack of grace obviously rubs off on us Brits when we hit the Continent, as we turn into a rowdy and abrasive bunch, earning us a reputation as the louts of Europe. So poor is the perception of the British, that I generally let Marilisa do all the talking when we're abroad, letting the natives believe that we are, in fact, Italian. This might seem like a bit of a cop out, but when the man next to me is throwing beer cans at the locals and telling them to fuck off, it seems like good compromise. At least I know that when foreigners come to our country, the Brits will have remembered their manners and our visitors will be told to fuck off with a smile and a wave.
This phenomenon isn’t restricted to the well-to-do parts of the UK – you could be living in Bastard Street, Basterton, Basts. and you’ll still find an orderly queue at the bus shelter. The bus shelter will of course be smashed up like Leslie Ash on a Friday night, but no matter how immoral or badly-behaved the British can be, we’re always courteous at the same time. I was mugged recently and the offender told me to ‘take care’ as he ran off with my money. I’ve seen a car on bricks with a note tucked under the wipers recommending a breakdown firm. It’s this kind of thoughtfulness that really takes the edge off a traumatic ordeal.
Go elsewhere in Europe and this kind of consideration quickly evaporates. In Spain, I waited patiently in a queue at a bus stop, only to be elbowed in the ribs by the old lady behind me when it finally arrived. In France, the owner of the hotel I stayed in was so indifferent that I could have been on fire and he wouldn't have raised an eyebrow.
"The shower doesn't work."
He shrugs.
"There's a leopard in the communal toilet."
He farts.
"I've left a dead hooker under the bed."
He shrugs and farts.
This lack of grace obviously rubs off on us Brits when we hit the Continent, as we turn into a rowdy and abrasive bunch, earning us a reputation as the louts of Europe. So poor is the perception of the British, that I generally let Marilisa do all the talking when we're abroad, letting the natives believe that we are, in fact, Italian. This might seem like a bit of a cop out, but when the man next to me is throwing beer cans at the locals and telling them to fuck off, it seems like good compromise. At least I know that when foreigners come to our country, the Brits will have remembered their manners and our visitors will be told to fuck off with a smile and a wave.
posted by Matt at 9:14 AM
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