Too Close To Call

They’re a security-conscious lot at my office – there are swipe card readers on every door (it has something to do with the highly-confidential, world-changing work that we do…). In almost complete contradiction to this, all of the doors have a soft-close mechanism fitted, meaning that once you’ve gone through, at least 14 people, two tea trolleys and a lost golf cart could follow you into the office before the door has even begun it’s leisurely, arc-ing back-swing.

It also presents a little dilemma. Having been to the drinks machine the other day, I rounded the corner to see the door at the end of the corridor coming to a close. I nonchalantly walked towards it, thinking to myself “I’m not going to make it. It doesn’t matter. I have my card with swipe capability.” Half way there, and it’s still not closed. This is a problem. What am I going to do if I get there and it’s still not shut? I could wait by the swipe card reader and listen for the ‘click’. But then I’d just look like a knob. Or I make a dash and catch it before it closes… but what if I don’t make it?! End of the corridor and the bastard door is still open; in a hastily brash decision I opt to leap for the handle and catch it just as it shuts, pulling myself into the door with such force that my face thumps hard against the glass, scaring the bejesus out of three people in the next office, who until now had been snoozing through a conference call.

“Huh!” I say, and throw them that knowing look. They stare back at me like I’ve just shut a baby’s head in the door. I swipe my card and make a hasty exit. I actually think this could be a direct ploy by my company to see if they’re employing idiots. I’ll be awaiting my P45.